Monday, January 28, 2013

Many are the Plans

Last Friday I wanted to feel particularly comfy at work, so I donned my oversized flannel button down and the coziest scarf I own. Suffice it to say casual Friday never felt so awesome. I love that I can pretty much wear whatever I want to work, it makes life so much easier!

So I'm not going to sugarcoat this week-it's only Monday evening and things have already been really tough at work. Some of the kids I teach at my afterschool program are just so challenging and it's taking a toll on me mentally and physically. I am in need of some prayer! Sometimes I'm not even sure I'm doing the right thing. Am I even any good at teaching? Is it the kids, or is it something I am doing wrong? Do I even want to be responsible for 20 little lives when I can barely take care of myself at times? There are days when I wish I would have figured out sooner that there were other things in life I could have done. I could have went to school for theatre, music, or fashion merchandising- but instead I decided to take the safest route possible (for me) and go to school for elementary education. I felt like it was the right decision at the time, but since I've started working different jobs in the field of education I'm finding more and more that I don't enjoy it and it is extremely stressful for me. What are my options now? I've just been thinking about a lot of things lately, thanks for bearing with me.

On a happier note, I called my mama and got to talk a bit about life. Also, Sean took me out to my favorite diner to make me feel better (we had some gift cards to use-bonus!). I got a grape soda and talked about everything and the world seemed a bit brighter after that. These days come and go :) I'm lucky to know that even when I feel a bit lost I always have direction and purpose in my Heavenly Father. I may not be loving some trivial things in life sometimes, but as long as my heart is with the bigger picture that is what matters. My Lord will never leave me, He is faithful and comforting. I know that in time He will lead me down the right paths and to the right people. Maybe there's a reason why I am at this place in life-perhaps there are people I need to interact with, relationships I need to make and build before moving on to the next stage in life. I just can't see the whole spectrum yet. Perhaps I never will-that is for my Jesus to decide! My older sister put it into words eloquently spoken to her by God. He gave her a story about a weaver weaving a beautiful tapestry on a loom. On one side, the picture is pristine and lovely-but on the other side it is full of tangles and knots-the struggles we must go through to weave our life's story. Read it here if you are interested. I know it touched my heart!

I didn't expect to write something so heavy when I sat down to my computer. I only hope that maybe it spoke to some who needed a little encouragement today! 
You are loved by God, and He sees how the trials and experiences you go through fit into the bigger picture-even if you can't sometimes.
God Bless, 

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

Flannel Shirt, Boots, Jeans- Thrifted
Scarf- Gift from my sister :)


Allison said...

I hope you figure things out with the teaching. I'll be thinking about you! I think that sometimes we have to think about what we really want and often we find out what we want to do has nothing to do with what we had originally intended. I know you'll figure it out.

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Charmaine said...

Thanks for keeping it real, sister! Heaviness is appreciated sometimes. Oddly enough, I am going through the same existential crisis about what I should do in terms of grad school and the future. I love that scarf!

Well... said...

This is why I love your blog Katie. You have such an inspiring viewpoint on things, and I loved reading this. Life is full of trials, but with faith in God and trust in Him, we will prevail! What you said about the knots we have to work through to get the tapestry really hit me hard. I'm definitely going to go read that story after I leave this comment. Thanks for being so real with us about what's going on too. Definitely praying for you - who knows what God's plan is for you in this job. Whatever it may be, lean on Him to guide you and you can't go wrong!
Oh, and since this is a fashion post, I simply have to comment about the outfit too. The scarf really is a gem and it works wonderfully with the cozy plaid!

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The white cabbage said...

ciao, nice blog and beautiful proverb!

would you like follow each other ? please let me know


The white cabbage said...

ciao, nice post . beautiful proverb!

would you like to follow each other ?

ciao ave

Tallia said...

I love the scarf!!

Ali Hval said...

Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that you've been having a tough time lately. I do believe that you would make a fantastic teacher, even though I've never seen you in action, and I hope that your week gets a little better. Perhaps you'd benefit for teacher some older kids who are a little more responsible? I don't know what your degree allows, but that's always an option to try out if possible. :) It's good to share these things and think about them. Best of luck to you--I'll be thinking about you this week!

Bethie The Boo said...

I walked a similar path when I was first out of college too - the job I chose I thought was the one meant for me and after soul searching and some prayer, I figured out it wasn't. It took some time, but I did finally find my way into something else - so you will find your way too! I realize it may not help much at the moment, but just wanted you to know it's normal to be in that boat! Hugs to you - I know you'll figure things out!

Jessi said...

It's definitely comforting to remember that God has a plan for you and he knows what He's doing! And I'm sure you're a wonderful teacher, I can tell just from getting to know you through blogging that you are an AMAZING person!
On a lighter note, I love this combo of plaid and a silk scarf! So creative and it looks really beautiful together! And those boots are so cute!! Love them.


dusanabotswana said...

I always say it's never too late for a career switch, and especially since you're so young. Not to say that you should, I def agree some things may seem awful in moments but it's for a reason but I can also find it easy to get stuck and just keep grinding on on things when I probably should just quit and find something else. but who knows! and i wouldn't worry about not being good for the kids, they'd prob just be watching TV anyway.. sad i know but true. anyway lucky you can wear what you please to work, i love that big flannel & boots!

Laura said...

This is just what I needed to hear today. It can be so daunting being an upperclassmen sometimes in college. People think, oh, it is just care free, but it really isn't. The real world is coming and you are torn between wanting and not wanting it too.
And I know what you mean about sometimes thinking that you took the safe route out. Sometimes I think that I did that too, but then I remember all the things in my life that weren't 'safe choices' and it makes putting things into perspective a whole lot easier.

I hope that you work through things soon; sending some thoughts and prayers your way! And I'm sure that those kids have a wonderful teacher!

Also, I love love LOVE your scarf!


Keit said...

I think there always comes a point in our lives when we must make a choice. I guess, your moment has come. You have to decide whether teaching is your thing, your passion, your love.
And it's always a tough choice. Most of the time, people choose the easy way, it's very very hard to change.
But my advice is, to follow your heart, if you don't feel like teaching is your thing, leave it. We have one life to live, and it shouldn't be so stressful.
Try to make the tough choice.

Caro * said...

Great style ! :)

Rebecca Caspers said...

Sometimes I feel that way too... if I'm doing what I thought God was leading me to do. Keep praying and you'll find peace in where God wants you! :) There is a time for everything :) Also, another blog I read that I find to be very encouraging about life is one by Holley Gerth: I think you would enjoy reading it :) (I like it because it's a quick read, but full of good Truth I didn't realize I needed to hear.)